End of semester rant

People apparently hate this paper. Yes, this very piece of newsprint that you hold in your hands is seemingly something loathsome and revolting to almost all who behold it. Just look at the online comments on several stories.
I understand that people will always complain about the media, and we here at the paper do expect that, but sometimes I'm left scratching my head with confusion.
Student body, we need to have a few words here. I need to explain what a newspaper does. We're not racist because we ran the mugshots of seven black students. We aren't wasting your time when prominent students get arrested, and I don't care if you don't like our editorials about Duke lacrosse players.
Newspapers exist to give you the news. A paper is not here to cuddle you and tell you that everything is all right after you get drunk and take potshots at passing cars with a high-caliber pistol after failing some class.
The paper is here to tell your classmates what you did and how you did it, because that's news. Sorry, but the operative part of the word "newspaper" is "news." Who would'a thunk it?
Also, we run on a very strict timetable. The life of a journalist trying to juggle work and school involves a lot of rushing, tearing your hair out, cursing and worrying that someone won't call you back, and your story won't be as good as it could have possibly been. If we include mugshots with one story and not another, it's because the police didn't send us the shots for the second article.
Now, with that out of the way, I wag my finger at you people (My God. I just said "you people." I must be racist). Before you go accusing us of being horrible people who put out a bigoted travesty of a paper that only Don Imus would approve of, think about what you're doing.
You're complaining because an event happened somewhere, but rather than complaining that the event happened, you're telling the people relating the event to you to shut the hell up.
That's like calling CNN and saying "How dare you tell me what happened at Virginia Tech! Before you told me, I thought the world was all smiling bunny rabbits painting eggs with Santa Claus! Go to hell CNN!"
Journalists have a hard life. There's always somebody telling you that you're a pot-smoking liberal trying to pollute the minds of all good, hard-working Americans with your crazy agenda. The truth is, we're so busy that we don't have time to have an agenda.
Oh, and this is the last paper of the semester, so you don't have a chance to respond to this column, and I refuse to check the comments online. Bitches.

-- Zach Toman
Asst. Viewpoints editor